Happy Halloween squidstackers (and happy Christian Girl Autumn to those who indulge)! How have you been? I’ve missed you. In honor of the spookiest season, I am spotlighting the humble Vampire Squid (Vampyroteuthis infernalis).
“a very small but very terrible octopus, black as night, with ivory white jaws and blood-red eyes.” - Some guy in 19251
For 350 million years, the jet-black (or red or purple, depending on the light) vampire squid has floated through the twilight zone, the deep ocean 200-1000 m below the surface. They live in tropical and subtropical waters, and they can grow to up to a foot in length. Notably, they have the largest eyes relative to their body size of all animals—1 inch in diameter!
The vampire squid is neither octopus (order octopoda) nor squid (superorder Decapodiformes). With 8 webbed arms and 2 retractable filaments, it belongs to its own order, Vampyromorphida. Unfortunately, all the other Vampyromorphida have been lost in the sands of time (extinction), and only Vampyroteuthis infernalis remains. It is a phylogenetic relict, once widespread and now rare, the last of its kind.
Vampire squid are covered in photophores that they use to create bright flashes of light that vary in intensity and duration, distracting predators. Recall that it’s dark in the deep ocean—less than 1% of incident light reaches the twilight zone. When the photophores are inactive, the vampire squid melts into the black waters that surround it.
When threatened, the non-squid pulls its arms over itself and assumes what scientists call “pumpkin position.” In this inside out configuration, the vampire squid resembles a football covered in fleshy spikes, or cirri. Its photophores are concealed except for those at the tips of its arms. Using their bright arm tips, vampire squid put on a weird and disorienting light shows for threatening onlookers. When the going gets tougher, vampire squid will release clouds of bioluminescent mucus. This mucus can glow for up to 10 minutes. If you couldn’t locate its exact position before, I’m sure you can’t now. Poof!
The vampire squid’s greatest protection though is the inhospitable environment in which it lives—oxygen minimum zones (OMZ).2 Water in these zones contain less than 5% oxygen (<20µmol/L). Most organisms cannot survive with so little oxygen. Crabs need over 3 times more oxygen, and striped bass over 6. Very well-oxygenated seawater is around 60% saturated.3
Vampire squid are uniquely adapted for hypoxia. They have the lowest metabolic rate per unit of mass of any cephalopod. Their respiratory protein, hemocyanin,4 has the highest binding affinity to oxygen of any cephalopod hemocyanin. They are neutrally buoyant, assisted by ammonium in their tissues, so they do not need to expend any energy to float around in the twilight zone.
And, despite the foreboding title of “vampire squid from hell,” this small cephalopod doesn’t even hunt prey. They are detritivores that feed on decomposing organic matter or “marine snow.” This snow is gross too, it’s made up of algae, marine animals, fecal matter, and mucus. And, increasingly, microplastics. Vampire squids, alien in so many ways, are also like us—full of plastic. So Happy Halloween! Plastics are once again the true horror story here.
reviews
Today, I have some seasonally appropriate cannibalism content for you, a comparison of recent calamari dishes I’ve eaten. It’s important to love what you eat and eat what you love. I love and respect squid, living or dead. Even when they are the most expensive appetizer on the menu.
Gai Noi, Loring Park Minneapolis. Calamari, $15. “Lightly battered, hand-carved calamari strips topped with tempura-fried Thai basil and jalapeños, served with Spicy Mayo.” Really great!! Similarly seasoned to the Gai Noi green beans and chicken wings—bright, acidic, a touch spicy. And I’m a sucker for that fried thai basil and jalapeño pepper. The squid was mostly cut into those cute rectangular curls with the cross hatching. The squid was succulent and the coating crisp. I ate a lot all at once and then felt a little bit light headed from how rich and oily it was. Delicious, but in moderation? The Mango sticky rice was not bad.
Hai Hai, Northeast Minneapolis. Crispy Calamari, $16. “Buttermilk-dredged & fried calamari, scallion & jalapeños, tom yum seasoning, crispy Thai basil, Viet sweet green chili sauce.” With all that seasoning, you’d think the squid would have been more flavorful! It was all just okay. The standard mix of mostly rings (quite large, the size of a medium onion ring almost) and a few tentacles. The coating was light, flakey, and but mostly falling off. There were a few too many partially nude rings for my taste. The squid itself was a bit rubbery. The green sauce for dipping was delicious and spicy! I would not order it again though. The fried tofu, pictured above, incredibly bland and bad. Worse than the calamari by a lot! I believe it is a scam targeting vegetarians.
Lai Hong Lounge, Chinatown San Francisco. According to their website, Lai Hong Lounge is “San Francisco's Most Famous Asian Restaurant.” While that is a stretch, it is (usually) really good. Salt and pepper squid is one of my favorite Cantonese appetizers. It’s understated—at first glance, it appears to just be fried calamari like any other fried calamari. But it isn’t. It’s garlicky and gingery with a little bit of heat from the green peppers it’s fried alongside. Doesn't even need sauce it has so much flavor. Lai Hong’s salt and pepper squid is crispy and evenly coated. Perfectly cooked. It’s a big portion, but it makes very good cold breakfast squid the next day.
A short exploration of The Menendez Brothers.
Spoilers below + content warning: incest and child sex abuse.
I don’t like true crime because it’s kind of unethical. But I actually enjoy a lot of kind of unethical things. I’ll reframe…I don’t engage with true crime mostly because I’m easily frightened. Isn’t there enough to be scared about these days?? But somehow I found myself watching Monsters on Netflix.5
Here’s a little background on the Menendez brothers if you need it: In 1989, Lyle and Erik Menendez violently murdered their parents, Jose and Kitty Menendez, in the Beverly Hills home where they all shared. Lyle was 21 and Erik was 18. Eventually, the brothers were convicted of first degree murder and sentenced to life in prison without parole.6
Amidst these current events and TikTok trends, there are two new shows out about them: an actual facts documentary “The Menendez Brothers,” and a fictionalized show, “Monsters: The Lyle and Erik Menendez Story.” Monsters is actually the second installment of Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story, created by Ryan Murphy of Glee. If only I’d known! That explains a lot…
In Ryan Murphy’s retelling of the Menendez story, we are all losing. The question lingering around most episodes of Monsters is the same one that hung the jury in 1994—were the boys sexually abused by their father or are they lying? Are they spoiled, entitled, greedy brats or did they experience indescribable trauma? Are they actually monsters?
Of course, Monsters doesn’t land on an answer, but it does feel over the top in its exploration of what could have happened. From highlighting a brotherly incest theory with a salacious nude shower scene to showing the mutilated faces of Kitty and Jose again and again, Monsters is looking to shock you. Any exploration of truth, justice, or victimhood takes a backseat to the graphic drama necessitated by 2024 television.
The Menendez Brothers documentary, on the other hand, emphasizes the context of the trial, post-OJ Simpson but pre-#MeToo. Court recordings and interviews, including of the brothers themselves, come together to tell the Menendez story.
Compared to Monsters, the documentary is simple. Most unflattering and unlikeable behavior from the Menendez brothers before and after arrest is omitted. Compared to Monsters, it’s like the brothers are saints. Pamela Bozanich, prosecutor for the brothers first trial, believes the brothers are lying. In an interview, she also says,
”the only reason we’re doing this special is because of the TikTok movement…Your beliefs are not facts…And by the way, all you TikTok people, I’m armed. We got guns all over the house. So don’t mess with me.” Case in point, she’s bananas and the brothers should be free!
Over the course of these 11 hours, I realized I don’t want to guess what really happened. I don’t care if the brothers are monsters or martyrs. The pain, violence, and trauma in the Menendez family is just deeply, deeply upsetting. I feel awful. I’d prefer the story to be told with a transformative justice lens, centered around a question like “how can we heal from unforgivable harms?” My 18 year old self would be ashamed. Where is my bloodlust?! I am no fun anymore. The upside of Monsters is that Cooper Koch who plays Erik is very, very beautiful.7 Did anyone else watch? What did you think?
sources
Liquid Life: On Non-Linear Materiality, Rachel Armstrong, 2019, https://www.jstor.org/stable/jj.2353974.90
Maryland Tidewater News, Vol. 4, No. 9 (February, 1948), p. 6, https://www.jstor.org/stable/43873973
Hoving, Hendrik J. T., and Bruce H. Robison. “Vampire Squid: Detritivores in the Oxygen Minimum Zone.” Proceedings: Biological Sciences, vol. 279, no. 1747, 2012, pp. 4559–67. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/41727504. Accessed 31 Oct. 2024.
https://www.upress.umn.edu/9780816678228/vampyroteuthis-infernalis/ “Thinking afresh about the life of an “other”—as different from ourselves as the vampire squid/octopus—complicates the linkages between animality and embodiment. Odd, and strangely compelling, Vampyroteuthis Infernalis offers up a unique posthumanist philosophical understanding of phenomenology and opens the way for a non-philosophy of life.”
Guilherme V.B. et al, Plastic in the inferno: Microplastic contamination in deep-sea cephalopods (Vampyroteuthis infernalis and Abralia veranyi) from the southwestern Atlantic, Marine Pollution Bulletin. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0025326X21013436
general vampire squid knowledge: http://www.thecephalopodpage.org/vampy.php
vampire squid blood & haemocyanin O2 binding affinity, https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00898-999-0001-2
William Beebe said this on his Arcturus expedition. I can’t not cite a quote, but I don’t want to give this “William Beebe” more platform…
unfortunately, due to human activity, oxygen minimum zones are expanding in the ocean. the ocean is losing oxygen!
oxygen saturation of seawater in equilibrium with the atmosphere at 20˚C is 7.4mg dissolved oxygen per liter of water. 1 mg DO/L = 32 μmol/L (micromoles per litre). 5% oxygen saturation = <20µmol/L. https://unesdoc.unesco.org/ark:/48223/pf0000265196
cephalopod hemocyanin is like human hemoglobin. these proteins help transport oxygen around the body.
Apparently the Free the Menendez brothers has become a TikTok movement! I learned about their existence from Netflix. The GenZennial curse! Not old enough to have seen it happen, not young enough to be a content creator.
Now, the brothers are 56 and 53. In light of new evidence, the brothers have a resentencing hearing scheduled for this December.
pretty boys 4 ever!