On death and basketball
cephalopod death, that is! it's natural.
Hello squid friends! Again, against all odds, I am back. Triumph of the human spirit, praise me, thank you. As always, I love hearing your reactions, receiving your follow up resources, and seeing your smiling faces in person over a good meal, as you all are mostly my real life friends <3. Double thank you to the people who read who don’t know me. I hope you all are having a good time too!
Like all living things, cephalopods die. Before we dive in, recall that cephalopods have notably short life spans. Some octopus, like the common octopus and the blue ringed octopus live only 12 to 18 months. The Giant Pacific Octopus can live 3-5 years. Much longer, but still short in the scheme of things! In comparison, Moray eels can live up to 30 years.
Most cephalopods (squid, cuttlefish, octopuses, not nautiluses) have similar life cycles. They are characterized by a long early life and a short adulthood followed quickly by senescence and death. Once cephalopods reach adulthood—marked by sexual maturity in this case—their behavior shifts from growth-focused behaviors, like hunting, to reproductive activities. For example, Giant Cuttlefish migrate by the thousands to mate in coastal Whyalla, Southern Australia.
BUT, this squidstack isn’t about sex and relationships. It’s about death. Once cephalopods mate (aka gonads are spent), they enter senescence, a programmed death process. The length of this end stage of life can last weeks or months depending on species.
The highest profile senescent cephalopods are the octopus mamas who brood their eggs for weeks, months, or even years without eating. They passively defend their eggs from predators, oxygenate their eggs by blowing water on them, and they slowly starve to death.
Across the class Cephalpoda, senescent individuals stop eating, leading to weight loss and creepy bulging eyes. Their immune systems shut down, they develop unhealing white skin lesions, and they become hosts to parasites. Their muscle tissue begins to degenerate. Senescent Oegopsids, a type of pelagic squid, turn gelatinous and lose tentacles. While starvation can be the ultimate cause of death, these increasingly weak, confused, and uncoordinated animals also become easy targets for predators.
Scientists theorize that cephalopods self-destruct after mating and egg laying to protect newly hatched cephalopods from their parents…because…most studied cephalopods are cannibals. Even in death, cephalopods are absolute freaks.
recs
Gai Noi. Chef Ann Ahmed’s no reservation, lower-price-compared-to-khaluna restaurant in Loring Park, Minneapolis. The tofu was crispy (almost too crispy), the Lao sausage was EXCELLENT, and the papaya salad hit all the right notes (if you like a funky, fermented, tamarind-y flavor profile). The panang spaghetti scratched the same itch as Khaluna’s seafood buccatini talay for a fraction of the price ($13 vs. $36)! I will go again! With you! Invite me?
IKEA’s swedish food hall. You knew the meatballs were good, but did you know Ikea family members can get them for $4 on Tuesdays? I swear I don’t receive any money to write this newsletter, though that isn’t on principle, it’s just because no one has offered. I think the Ikea family daily food deals make the furniture giant’s food court competitive with Costco’s, the holy grail of all big box store food courts. Specifically, I’d like to highlight the plant balls upstairs (actually good) and the veggie dogs (pay the extra 25¢ for toppings) with the lingonberry slushie downstairs.
And a quick round up of other stuff:
Popeye’s surf and turf: Not very good. 3 tenders + 3 shrimps. Tartar sauce was bad, but that’s on me. I should’ve known better. Buffalo sauce, on the other hand, is an incredible invention and is always good. (Maybe? Let me know if you’ve had bad buffalo sauce.)
Chappell Roan: like MUNA, but sexier and more chaotic. My current go-to songs are Pink Pony Club, HOT TO GO!, Red Wine Supernova, and Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl. They are bops! Bops, I say! Listen to her tinydesk concert.
Pro Frisbee: did you forget I’m technically a semi-professional athlete? I won’t let you, apparently. Single game tickets are now available for the most exciting of niche sports. Come to heckle me, stay to watch my teammates do cool things! What do you have to lose?
A Bar of Their Own: a squid pal and I tried to watch Iowa’s sweet 16 game at ABOTO. An hour before the game started, they were already full with a 2-hour wait. Have you gone? Should I keep trying to go? Also, to everyone who is calling this a lesbian bar, stop! It’s a lesbian SPORTS bar, and anyone going in thinking it’s just a lesbian bar will be sorely disappointed. It’s just basic human decency.
media
Speaking of sports, I caught Caitlin Clark fever! If you haven’t heard of her, she’s the highest scoring Division 1 Basketball player ever (aka she, a WOMAN, broke the men’s scoring record).
She is the whitest of girls from the whitest of places, West Des Moines, Iowa, and she fully got me on the women’s basketball bandwagon. The Caitlin Clark effect is real (and not only because it’s manufactured and perpetuated by the racist sports media).
This is my story. It all started when I saw her play in-person at the Big 10 Championship Game. I went in thinking, “oh, Caitlin Clark? Snooze. I’ve never met a white girl who doesn’t look like Caitlin Clark.” Her performance quickly shut me up. Her vision! Her passing! Her ability to make plays despite being the focus of the opposing team’s entire defense! In that game, she scored 34 points, 30 of which were in the second half (20 minutes) and in overtime (5 minutes). Business as usual for her, and yet it was so inspirational to witness that I bought a Caitlin Clark shirt.
She drew me in, and I actually watched some of the women’s March Madness Tournament, a first for me! (To be clear, I wasn’t watching men’s March Madness either.) I watched her drop 9 three pointers and score 41 points in the Iowa v. LSU elite 8 match up. But I also saw LSU star Angel Reese score 17 and get 20 rebounds! I saw LSU sophomore Flau’jae Johnson score 23, make mind-boggling plays, and then criticize the press et al. for absolutely vilifying her friend and teammate, Angel. And then I got to see South Carolina—deep, balanced, and extremely well-coached by Dawn Staley—beat Caitlin Clark and Iowa to take the crown in a true team effort.
In this world where a disturbing amount of men think they are better at basketball than Caitlin Clark, and where the highest paid WNBA players make less than the lowest paid NBA player ($250k vs $290k), I am grateful to have made it here at all. And for that, THANK YOU Caitlin Clark for getting me here. I’ll be following you, Angel Reese, Kamilla Cardoso, Aaliyah Edwards, and many more to the WNBA 🏀❤️.
sources links etc
Cephalopod ontogeny and life cycle patterns: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fmars.2023.1162735/full
Cephalopod Life History: https://link.springer.com/referenceworkentry/10.1007/978-3-319-47829-6_649-1
Octopus senescence
octopus life span: https://octonation.com/octopus-lifespan/
West Des Moines, Iowa is 80% white: https://www.census.gov/quickfacts/fact/table/westdesmoinescityiowa/PST045222
Caitlin Clark’s 23-24 season average points per game was 31.6: https://www.espn.com/womens-college-basketball/player/stats/_/id/4433403/caitlin-clark
LSU star angel reese’s WNBA announcement in vogue: https://www.vogue.com/article/angel-reese-is-taking-her-talents-to-the-wnba
WNBA salaries, no percentage of revenue from jersey sales etc, base pay of $74k, up to $250k: https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2024/04/caitlin-clark-ncaa-championship-game-wnba-pay-equity/
12 teams, 13 player rosters, 156 players total
NBA’s lowest paid player (475th) is Javon Freeman-Liberty of the Toronto Raptors, and he makes $289,542: https://www.espn.com/nba/salaries/_/page/12
Damn, moray eels are down there having like ... whole careers, wow
Bar of Their Own is good! Great veggie burger, good drinks list, nice vibe even as a non-sports-understander. I would not wait 2 hours but I did wait 30 minutes and would again.
Another great email! I learned so much. And also I did not know Popeye's had a surf and turf option and now I'm curious! And FUCK YEAH CHAPPELL ROAN!!